When thinking about where I’ve been, the things I’ve seen, the people I’ve met;
a sense of comfort yet sadness always begins to arise within me.
What if I stayed? was something I’d ask a lot.
Watching everyone grow older before my eyes yet further from everything I knew them to be, I can begin to say the same for myself..
I never really knew anyone;
there weren’t that many secrets at age 7 and I stopped talking to people by high school, the journey was quick and bittersweet yet never lasting so when did I have the time to actually meet anyone?
I think back to a poem I wrote when I first came out to the west. It began like;
I’m glad to see everyone’s doing fine;
I know we don’t talk anymore, and I’ll never get any messages in bottles to say so.
and continues to express how even though I’ve enjoyed my days in whichever town with whomever people,
things always ended the same.
I lay here writing this, deep on the path, yet there’s no road to actually be found.
I have others like my family crying tears of unneeded pity;
And so it is! I exclaim. Don’t steal the sadness that is meant to be mine alone!
Ahhhh, but it is so. And will forever continue to be.
I’d be a fool to not cherish every waking second of it.
-Natalia