Because it seems as if I search for it in everything I create and come in contact with.
I know now it’s not for poetry
but stems from the pain that dwells within me.
Is this sad or life?
I no longer seek anything outside of me other than the goals I intend to reach.
I am empty but not empty enough.
Not empty enough of the things my Maa tells me to be of—if She tells me anything at all.
Living my life walking along the border of real and delusion;
except I can’t tell the difference anymore;
and no medicine will help.
Has my writing just become a timeline of my destruction?
I think back to the beginning and wonder if it’s always been like this;
maybe.
I don’t know what to tell you other than I have been here—oh, have I been here.
Doing nothing, I tell you. Doing nothing I should be at least.
And I’ll say again
and again;
what else is there to do?
Someone told me before I left their life that my blog should be about something other than me…
how funny I thought that was.
I think this blog is about something other than me—something bigger.
I think maybe once it’s done, and you zoom out a bit, you’ll see something I never saw.
And maybe it would have saved me…
or maybe it did.
I guess only time will tell.
Happy Moon Day.
-Natalia