Someone told me something today that I didn’t want to hear.
I didn’t want to hear it because if I heard from anyone outside myself, it would make it all the more real.
And it did.
I’ve been slacking. I know it. There’s nothing to deny.
And yet the more I acknowledged it, the more I dug myself into a hole of self-deprecation; not actually showing any results.
Actually, there was a moment I tried. Hence, moment. Hence tried.
This is a public testimony.
The public testimony of me admitting the truth to myself and the world that I have been doing nothing, beating myself about it, and let’s say; getting lost in the sauce.
To help me out of this, I’ve committed to writing here daily; once again.
And let’s watch me do my best not to fall back into slumber.
I think the only thing that separates me from now and the future I imagine I will hold is the decision to remain awake.
How will I ever do it?
You hear that Maa, how will I do it?
I know I’ve done you wrong and I don’t dare look you in the eye until tonight.
How could I?
Pray you’ll see me more, hear me more. I could use it.
–Natalia