Lately, I feel like my insides poured out somewhere and I forgot where I left them.
Have you seen them?
They’ve been missing ever since I healed some of my pain.
You’d think the opposite were to be true, but actually, my insides grew strong within me when I needed them most.
Now I’m realizing I might have left them behind with everything else I’m walking away from.
With that, my mind may be lost with them as well since I can’t seem to find that either.
The more I’ve let time pass without them, the deeper my soul has searched for where they could be. And even now, I think my soul has gotten lost as well.
My eyes have lost their sight for love, for life.
God watches over me but that’s all She does.
She comforts me and assures this is something only I can find.
I feel like an empty shell, trying to pull my intestines back inside, centimeter by centimeter.
The process is so painful.
I retreat into corners like a mother cat preparing to give birth.
I’m praying for birth.
Birth of something, anything.
I think part of delaying the process has been my hopes of rebirthing something I used to have.
Something I left behind years ago.
And every time I reach for it back, God slaps my hand away like a child reaching for a cookie jar.
But it’s because She has something better for me. Something I won’t be able to have if I keep holding onto what I can’t let go of.
So I wait.
And I retreat.
I seek silence so that I may hear the calling of my soul.
And I think I can hear it already; I just can’t seem to find it.
Have you seen my soul?