I think back to my first wanting of Enlightenment.
At this point, I can’t even imagine what that wanting was.
I take that back.
Still within me, resides the longing for liberation.
Liberation from what, exactly?
The illusion? I question to myself.
I think of bhakti
and how nice it is to just be in this realm of remembering and Love.
It’s the constant battle against mind and ego that unsettles me.
It’s those battles that I allow to bring me down to a state of wanting;
the wanting to go home; the wanting of liberation.
This battle between wanting and not wanting and not knowing what’s wrong or right, pulls on the thread of my existence, tying me to this reality.
I’ll never be free.
I think again of what I could possibly be free from.
Because that’s all there is?
And even though my masters speak of this Maya and the Essence that exists outside of it,
I still see no other than the singularity that put it all together.
There is only One—
or so I’ve learned so far.
These battles in themselves are all part of the journey;
one I didn’t really ask to embark on.
Instead, I was recruited and not given a choice.
And at the time, I didn’t question it. How could I when my soul told me there was no other way?
I wasn’t raised to ignore my gut and in that moment, I heard nothing else but it’s scream toward Destiny.
How could I?
There’s a fine line between illusion and reality;
so fine, it’s barely visible.
Can you see it?
The further I travel, the less apparent it gets…
Maybe you can show me the way…