There are times I’d rather not

Self-analyzation is a tricky thing. I find it more often than not where I question my own sanity.

With all my theories and thoughts of why things happen and why people do the things they do, I question if it’s really me who’s doing the thing that needs to be analyzed.

Sometimes I want to leave. And sometimes I’d rather not.

I face challenges like these more often than I should so I find myself questioning my own sanity.

Should I leave? is always a question I ask. Why would I?

I think the thought brings a sort of peace, an escape from my problems.

It makes me nervous when I stay too long and even more when I have a reason to.

Where would I go?

Am I too scared to die?

I cry because I want to go home. Back to oblivion where I feel I only belong. Am I too scared to die?

Some people rather run than face their demons and I’m picking up more of these traits than I should be.

My teachers tell me there is no escape and in loops is where I’ll be running.

These days I’m living memorable dreams and things I couldn’t possibly forget. It’s these moments I long to scribble on paper.

Still the moon hangs above me and I cry at the foot of it’s light.

I hear you, I tell it. I feel you.

I run in circles more often than I should and I question if it’s really me who lacks sanity.

I live my days in love and peace, wandering until I find home.

It’s these days I live for.

And then there’s some, like today, where I’d just rather not.

-Natalia

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