There are times I’d rather not

Self-analyzation is a tricky thing. I find it more often than not where I question my own sanity.

With all my theories and thoughts of why things happen and why people do the things they do, I question if it’s really me who’s doing the thing that needs to be analyzed.

Sometimes I want to leave. And sometimes I’d rather not.

I face challenges like these more often than I should so I find myself questioning my own sanity.

Should I leave? is always a question I ask. Why would I?

I think the thought brings a sort of peace, an escape from my problems.

It makes me nervous when I stay too long and even more when I have a reason to.

Where would I go?

Am I too scared to die?

I cry because I want to go home. Back to oblivion where I feel I only belong. Am I too scared to die?

Some people rather run than face their demons and I’m picking up more of these traits than I should be.

My teachers tell me there is no escape and in loops is where I’ll be running.

These days I’m living memorable dreams and things I couldn’t possibly forget. It’s these moments I long to scribble on paper.

Still the moon hangs above me and I cry at the foot of it’s light.

I hear you, I tell it. I feel you.

I run in circles more often than I should and I question if it’s really me who lacks sanity.

I live my days in love and peace, wandering until I find home.

It’s these days I live for.

And then there’s some, like today, where I’d just rather not.


Published by Natalia Lee

Natalia Lee is a spiritual mentor, writer, and artist. She embodies many types of spiritual practice, one importantly being the Taoist principle of living in harmony with the flow of nature. Another is her expression of devotion toward Source through Bhakti Yoga. At 19 years old, Natalia moved from her hometown in New York City to Los Angeles to begin her pilgrimage of world travel and spiritual inquisition. Since then, she has tackled many personal achievements including the publishing of multiple poetry collections, e-books, physical art pieces, a podcast, and a personal blog & brand.

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