it’s easier when the music is off

and at other times, it’s not.

Sometimes I get so caught up in the noise it’s hard to stay in the silence.

I don’t know what to write anymore these days.

My dad said something to me like, you tell your blog everything you’re doing, yet I find myself at a loss for words every week.

I wish it came that easy.

I wish my notebooks filled up as fast as they did that one year and again the following, oh I wish.

Instead I find myself rewriting things I’ve said and tearing through pages like somethings been missing this whole time.

Trying to organize a life that has not much in it is a tedious task. One I wish I could avoid.

I wish I never picked up writing.

I wish I had picked it up and put it down like the rest of my hobbies in the trunk.

Now I’m lost in more tunnels than ever trying to describe the darkness when I haven’t seen light in forever. What is there to compare it to?

I think back to my first post in my first blog ever. I was 17.

A long way since then that I decided my fate as such. I couldn’t avoid it anymore. It was what I wanted. Even if it fed off my sadness.

Is there anything else to write about?

Where can I find my Lord in it all?

How can it come so easily again?

I may find it sooner or later so for now I sit patiently and experiment with the rest of the arts. And relax.

It’s okay for it to not be there. Because I know it’ll come.

You just have to be patient.

I will be too.

-Natalia

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