Take me back to 2017

My birthday is this Friday. I’ll be turning 22.

I walked passed someone in the supermarket the other day while having a mental breakdown over the price of canned beans.

Don’t mind me, I said. I’m having a mid-mid-life crisis.

I’m just more emotional these days than usual and I can’t tell if it’s the age or rotations of the planets.

I think back to around this time in 2017. Right before I started this blog.

I remember not doing much with someone who wasn’t much to remember, feeling unimportant on my birthday.

I had turned 19. A not-so-special year.

I remember afterward, never wanting to feel like that again. Like that day didn’t matter.

Because even though it is just another day, it is a day to celebrate you. And you matter.

I think back to when I felt as if 2017 was a nothing-much of a year.

That was the year I had left home;

a year of feeling lost and hopeless–yet, fearless and deep.

The year I first heard the Tao.

A year of poetry and sunsets, new found love and hidden pains within.

I think about how much I actually wrote that year. How much I had discovered.

The meaning behind me saying all of this is well, I had a similar thought a little while ago.

I thought,

Why does it matter what I do? My birthday doesn’t matter. It’s just another day.

And I remembered how I felt that year, turning 19 and nothing else.

And that sadness seeped from the past into my present heart. And I cried.

Not a ridiculous one like in the canned goods isle last week, but a soft cry—enough to make me decide that it does matter what I do.

And it’s not only another day, but the day I was born.

So,

I’ll be 22 this Friday.

And no matter what I do or who I’m with, it’s a day worth celebrating.

-Natalia

Published by Natalia Lee

Natalia Lee is a spiritual mentor, writer, and artist. She embodies many types of spiritual practice, one importantly being the Taoist principle of living in harmony with the flow of nature. Another is her expression of devotion toward Source through Bhakti Yoga. At 19 years old, Natalia moved from her hometown in New York City to Los Angeles to begin her pilgrimage of world travel and spiritual inquisition. Since then, she has tackled many personal achievements including the publishing of multiple poetry collections, e-books, physical art pieces, a successful podcast, and personal blog.

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