It’s been one year since my love & I found each other.
I think back to a poem I wrote around this time pondering the idea of opening up to another being.
I wondered if I could ever love again.
One year later, not only did I learn to open up my heart , I learned that it was possible for me to be loved just as much in return.
I won’t go into details when I say I love Justin with all of my being. There’s too much to say.
I could fill a thousand novels with my words to him and it still won’t be enough.
I’d give him the moon and stars if I could—-
instead I ask them to shine a bit more brightly every night
and to remind him of me
when we’re apart.
Ever since I began my journey alone, questions and fears would constantly fill my mind.
Any person who entered my life, I saw them as temporary.
The same as they’ve always been throughout my childhood.
Maybe I was never used to people staying.
Maybe when they tried to, I’d get scared and be the one to leave.
Maybe I’ve always been the temporary one.
Sometimes these thoughts still crowd my mind.
I look at the friends I’ve surrounded myself with lately—-being lucky enough to call them family.
Yet still my heart sinks lower than the floor, showing me my impermanence and how deep down I know these things never last.
A part of me fights it and says, well, what if it’s different this time?
And I think well, maybe it is.
But I don’t get my hopes up.
One rule I’ve learned from my studies is to never expect anything;
that way, you can never be disappointed.
But when it comes to impermenance, you realize that that in itself is human nature.
Impermanence comes with having a body. It is the main cycle of life.
So what kind of humans would we be to not partake in the passions of life because of it?
Of course we don’t want to get hurt and lose the things we love; but we always will! That is just the impermanence of life!
Yet we still love with all of our beings, give up our very existence for another, and still dare to call things ours.
I think that this is what being human is about.
Knowing that eventually the things we hold dearest to us will pass on, but loving it to our fullest potential for the time being.
So, it doesn’t matter to me if people move on, or if I decide to move on—;
I loved. And I was loved. Very much.
These are just things I’ve been thinking about lately.
I’ll be 22 soon and the more days that pass me by, the harder it is to see ahead.
I don’t know what I’ll do. But as long as I’m here, now,
I think I’ll be okay.