I had the chance to write this yesterday.

But instead laid in my bed and thought about it until there were no more thoughts to be had.

Same goes for this morning:

My alarm woke me up the time it usually does—even my body was ready to awake;

yet I stayed where I was; just thinking about it—until there were no more thoughts to be had.

I say the days have been getting easier and harder at the same time and that couldn’t be more true.

I don’t wake up confused anymore as I know where I am.

I thought staying with a Master would be different. Maybe, if it was by choice.

Yet I still take it for granted, and cry at the fact that I do.

For days I’ve watched our sky nourish the grounds and hoped it would remain.

Today I awoke to open mountains and blue hues entering my room for dawn.

I was asked yesterday what my dream job was and I couldn’t answer.

Throughout all the plans of future and travels, I never thought once I’d be working.

And I couldn’t answer. No matter how clear my goals are.

If you don’t know already from reading my blog posts or knowing me personally, here are my life intentions:

I intend to travel the world and train with the best. I will learn many skills to become as useful as possible to help others in need. To do that, I will master myself which I feel consists of the body, mind, and spirit. I’ll start by training my body to become stronger and more nimble. I will master my mind through consistent meditation and other mind training exercises. For my spirit will follow as I travel The Way and learn from many cultures of their spiritual practices. The more I learn about the world and it’s people, I can put it back into my writing and share it with the rest. I’ve seen a beautiful hidden mystery in this universe and I’d love to learn more about it with everyone I meet.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll become fully realized.

Those are my intentions. In a vague sense.

And within all that, find my greatest teacher, my Master.

I see this experience of staying in this house as a part of that. That’s why I’m so ashamed of my thoughts in returning or staying in bed more than I should.

As much as I miss my life of daydreams and comfort, how can I ignore my destiny?

Now those were my intentions but are they my destiny? What do I feel is my destiny?

Well,

it may sound crazy but;

I believe my destiny is to achieve Enlightenment. To become a leader that people will want to follow. To be a part of the new world. It is to be the healer of energy and spirit. The one we look upon and lean on if in need. The one who sees all as all and helps others see the same. To become a great Sage.

And I could tear up at the thought of it.

I look at where I am now and my cards read to see how far I’ve came.

And I have.

But to me it’s not enough.

So I continue to train hard and seek my truth. Trying not to ignore the masters in front of me.

In times like these you could imagine how I feel.

A few years back, I wanted it all to end so I could rebuild it from the ground up.

I look at that time now and see how ignorant I was and how I wouldn’t have been ready.

I’m still not ready.

But I think some day I will be.

Or I could only hope.

Do you know your destiny?

Are you looking for it?

Is it a tad bit easier than mine?

I hope so.

I hope your finding peace throughout all this.

I know I’m finding both peace and it’s opponent.

But that is Tao.

That is what I live for.

What do you live for?

I’d love to know.

-Natalia

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