A few years back,

If you’d asked me how I felt about all this chaos, you’d see me on my toes at the very excitement of it all.

Burn, burn, burn it all! I’d say.

Burn it all to the ground.

I was waiting for my time to arise.

For the Great Sage to stand amongst us all and lead us to a new era of peace and harmony.

The True Avatar.

As someone now who remains strong headed in my mission, more active than ever,

I’m ashamed at my thoughts of fleeing from it all.

How could I?

How could I leave when I’m needed at the most?

What am I to do?

I’m not ready, I tell myself.

Maybe I’m not.

How could I be?

21 years alive and yeah it’s all experience but when did my training actually start?

When I ran from dependence?

When I took my life into my own hands and took a fucking chance?

How can I save anyone at this point?

I can’t even carry my own weight.

At these times people are troubled and washing their hands more than ever while I pace back and forth tearing my hair out from the roots, blood shot eyes, sobbing nonsense–asking, WHAT AM I TO DO? WHAT AM I TO DO?

What can I do?

Wait it out? Like everyone else?

Is this my time?

Is this just more training?

How much more can I take before I leave it all?

What can I do now??

I’ve been so in my head lately I just can’t stop writing.

Is this what it takes? For me to actually write nowadays?

Expect a lot from me but not too much please.

I’m not really sure what to do right now.

Maybe it’ll pass;

And be a fair warning that something like this can happen fast–at any time.

And I must be ready.

And maybe next time,

I will be.

Oh Master,

how I need you more now than ever

-Natalia

Published by Natalia Lee

Natalia Lee is a spiritual mentor, writer, and artist. She embodies many types of spiritual practice, one importantly being the Taoist principle of living in harmony with the flow of nature. Another is her expression of devotion toward Source through Bhakti Yoga. At 19 years old, Natalia moved from her hometown in New York City to Los Angeles to begin her pilgrimage of world travel and spiritual inquisition. Since then, she has tackled many personal achievements including the publishing of multiple poetry collections, e-books, physical art pieces, a successful podcast, and personal blog.

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