I’m sorry I’ve been so distant
I can’t seem to find the energy to write the thoughts my mind creates yet I’m doing more push ups then usual hoping to drown in my own sweat and uncover what’s really been bothering me.
I’ve been feeling like a super hero lately yet I don’t stop to save myself instead I get high every night and the one time I don’t I’m regretting what I started in the first place.
I think back to simple traumas and how I could let the little things get to me now I’m so caught up in what love is and if it actually exists the way we think it does or have I been lied to my whole life and now left without real but empty answers.
I cry but I dont know why.
Maybe because I miss something that may have been in my head the whole time but wish it were true.
I’m confused because I don’t know what reality is and man I don’t really wanna be here in the first place!
Instead I find false hope and write things that’ll never matter except to a young sage who’s more lost than ever.
Things are changing within and without me but my heart wont seem to budge even if I rip it out and chuck it across the room. If I could I would just give it to you.
I wander into nights like this with no plans to stay.
I listen to sad songs I have no correlation with but I cry anyways because I dont know what else to do.
My heart is broken for more reasons than one but I couldn’t start the list if I tried.
I mumble write things that don’t make sense not even to me for no good purpose other than I have no way to express myself.
It’s all shit and i’m surrounded by people with false purpose.
No one has any idea what the fuck they’re doing so how am I supposed to follow the lead!? How am I supposed to be the lead when no one ever knew!?
How will I lead when I’ll never know.
I can’t be the blind leading the blind and leave us in repetitive cycles of ignorance!
I’m almost 21 and I hold the weight of the world on my shoulders and for that I’ve been doing more push ups than usual trying to uncover what’s really been bothering me.
Maybe I’ll stop crying this time.