Today’s my 20th birthday
And I feel like I’m having a fucking heart attack.
Not because of my birthday, but just because the littlest of things have been giving me anxiety lately.
I slept for only 4 hours last night and I feel like I’m running on E.
All the plans I had set for my birthday are down the drain and postponed for next year.
I really need to stop making plans since I can’t seem to find a time when I ever followed through with them.
Today I turn 20 and it’s nothing new.
Last year’s birthday was the worst and I’m starting to curse the day of this year’s.
I haven’t been writing lately and that depresses the hell out of me.
I’ve been stuck in a constant mental state of what to do next as one who wants to somehow become a great Sage.
Whatever that means.
So I sit here and wait—wait for my heart to slow down, and watch the years pass me by.
Is this what it means to do nothing?