Written June 26th, the day I was born 20 years ago.

Today’s my 20th birthday

And I feel like I’m having a fucking heart attack.

Not because of my birthday, but just because the littlest of things have been giving me anxiety lately.

I slept for only 4 hours last night and I feel like I’m running on E.

All the plans I had set for my birthday are down the drain and postponed for next year.

I really need to stop making plans since I can’t seem to find a time when I ever followed through with them.

Today I turn 20 and it’s nothing new.

Last year’s birthday was the worst and I’m starting to curse the day of this year’s.

I haven’t been writing lately and that depresses the hell out of me.

I’ve been stuck in a constant mental state of what to do next as one who wants to somehow become a great Sage.

Whatever that means.

So I sit here and wait—wait for my heart to slow down, and watch the years pass me by.

Is this what it means to do nothing?

-Natalia

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