Written June 26th, the day I was born 20 years ago.

Today’s my 20th birthday

And I feel like I’m having a fucking heart attack.

Not because of my birthday, but just because the littlest of things have been giving me anxiety lately.

I slept for only 4 hours last night and I feel like I’m running on E.

All the plans I had set for my birthday are down the drain and postponed for next year.

I really need to stop making plans since I can’t seem to find a time when I ever followed through with them.

Today I turn 20 and it’s nothing new.

Last year’s birthday was the worst and I’m starting to curse the day of this year’s.

I haven’t been writing lately and that depresses the hell out of me.

I’ve been stuck in a constant mental state of what to do next as one who wants to somehow become a great Sage.

Whatever that means.

So I sit here and wait—wait for my heart to slow down, and watch the years pass me by.

Is this what it means to do nothing?


Published by Natalia Lee

Natalia Lee is a spiritual mentor, writer, and artist. She embodies many types of spiritual practice, one importantly being the Taoist principle of living in harmony with the flow of nature. Another is her expression of devotion toward Source through Bhakti Yoga. At 19 years old, Natalia moved from her hometown in New York City to Los Angeles to begin her pilgrimage of world travel and spiritual inquisition. Since then, she has tackled many personal achievements including the publishing of multiple poetry collections, e-books, physical art pieces, a podcast, and a personal blog & brand.

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